I took the plunge last night, in a way. I have been wanting to tell my bff about how happy I have been and the real reason for the happiness. When I thought about telling her, I was petrified that she would "run for the hills" and just leave me flat. It was a case of unfounded fear because it seems that, whenever things are going well in my life, something will come along and screw it up. So I was scared more than I realized that she would think I was wrong and give me the choice, her or Master.
But, last night, with Master's help, my bff was told about everything. She was informed about everything, my kinks, my status, Master's status, some protocols, Master's room downstairs, my little, everything.
She did not run, she was actually happy that I found my happiness, that I am fulfilled, that I am healing. She understands me more now, understands what makes me tick. Now that she has been informed about everything, she can watch out for me while I am away for the summer. She knows ans accepts me and what my relationship is like.
I am so glad Master was ok with helping me tell her about us. She didn't balk or run, she asked questions and was ok with it all.
I am glad I was able to share the truth with her. Next to Master and family, her opinions mean the most to me, and i am glad she is ok.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Goals and accomplishments
My sister and I are known for having long talks about service, how to best serve our Master, me learning things about my slave hood, sister teaching those things, and so much more. She has helped me understand some of the urges I have, some of the needs to submit, totally and completely, and has taught me to not be afraid to accept and fully give into the need.
Looking back to where I was 18 months ago, when I first started on this journey, I can tell I have come such a long way. If i had written this entry back then, it would have looked, read, and seemed like a different person was writing it. In many ways, that assumption would have been true.
I was, quite literally, a scared, angry, hurt little girl. I was stuck in the past, the day before my world changed and came crashing down. Many had seen the hurt and pain and turned away, abandoning me to my self pity. I learned quickly how to develop a mask, to hide my true feelings, to hide from the hurt and pain.
Then, Master came along. Over the last 18 months, I have learned to deal with everything I was hiding from. I have become more complete as a person. I have grown and learned. I have stopped hiding from my nature, but, instead, embraced it and flourished within it.
As a slave, I have gone from not allowing anyone into my heart and mind to Master being there all the time, for living for His commands.
I have started to deal with the things I was hiding from. I know I still have a long way to go, but I have started. I am glad I was with Master when I got the news that the person responsible for the pain was dead. Learning that and having Master's love and support during that time opened me up to the ability to heal. Master helped me walk through the door towards healing, towards getting better.
I no longer feel the need to retreat all the time, no longer feel the need for that comfort I got from retreating, the denial of what really happened.
When I read this a year from now, will I have changed as much as I have already? I think so. I am playing catch up. I missed so many years of development socially, mentally, and emotionally, that I am rapidly catching up now.
I love the idea of the blog because it is a living history of myself, of what and who I am and have become. I have come a long way, but I am not fully there yet, I still have a ways to go, but I think I am closer to a healthy, happy, well adjusted young adult than I was 18 months ago, and only one Person deserves the credit for guiding me down this journey and this passageway to adulthood.
Master has not been the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light along the path through the tunnel.
Looking back to where I was 18 months ago, when I first started on this journey, I can tell I have come such a long way. If i had written this entry back then, it would have looked, read, and seemed like a different person was writing it. In many ways, that assumption would have been true.
I was, quite literally, a scared, angry, hurt little girl. I was stuck in the past, the day before my world changed and came crashing down. Many had seen the hurt and pain and turned away, abandoning me to my self pity. I learned quickly how to develop a mask, to hide my true feelings, to hide from the hurt and pain.
Then, Master came along. Over the last 18 months, I have learned to deal with everything I was hiding from. I have become more complete as a person. I have grown and learned. I have stopped hiding from my nature, but, instead, embraced it and flourished within it.
As a slave, I have gone from not allowing anyone into my heart and mind to Master being there all the time, for living for His commands.
I have started to deal with the things I was hiding from. I know I still have a long way to go, but I have started. I am glad I was with Master when I got the news that the person responsible for the pain was dead. Learning that and having Master's love and support during that time opened me up to the ability to heal. Master helped me walk through the door towards healing, towards getting better.
I no longer feel the need to retreat all the time, no longer feel the need for that comfort I got from retreating, the denial of what really happened.
When I read this a year from now, will I have changed as much as I have already? I think so. I am playing catch up. I missed so many years of development socially, mentally, and emotionally, that I am rapidly catching up now.
I love the idea of the blog because it is a living history of myself, of what and who I am and have become. I have come a long way, but I am not fully there yet, I still have a ways to go, but I think I am closer to a healthy, happy, well adjusted young adult than I was 18 months ago, and only one Person deserves the credit for guiding me down this journey and this passageway to adulthood.
Master has not been the light at the end of the tunnel, but the light along the path through the tunnel.
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